Watch with me: "FUBAR" Episode 1
I did this for Stallone and “Tulsa King” and I’m going to do it for Arnold and “Fubar”…which is…..watch the pilot and comment in real time as I’m watching the pilot.
What is “Fubar”(Netflix)….not sure but I think it’s:
Arnold Schwarzenegger is an old CIA agent whose daughter is also in the CIA and Arnold just found out when he has to save her.
Isn’t this just a slightly different version of the fantastic Arnold movie “True Lies”? Yeah. Does it matter? No. Did you have me at Arnold / old CIA agent? YES. 8 episodes! LETS GOOOOOO!:
Right off the bat we get Arnold lighting a dumpster on fire to the Rolling Stones. Way to know your audience, Fubar creators.
Hahahahaha. They just called Arnold 65. No way. He’s older. Nice try. (I looked it up) He’s 75!
The Arnold body double is bad.
Arnold works with a hip young CIA dude who quotes Thundercats. So, okay.
So many stupid CIA terms already. “The cream is in the coffee.” “Cats in the cradle”…..
YES. Finally an Arnold joke. Arnold/CIA just sent a missile to blow up a bad guy in a house somewhere. So, another bad guy who is talking to Arnold face to face (and gave Arnold the coordinates) said this:
Bad guy: “Is my boss where I said he would be?” Arnold: “He’s all over the place.” This is the stuff we need to get done in this show. More of these types of jokes.Arnold doesn’t move so well. He’s 75!
The show opens up on Arnold’s last job which he completes. Good for him. He’s officially RETIRED! I hope he enjoys retirement. Not sure it’s going to last.
Arnold is a man’s man. He even says a man should be able to fix his own car. I’m not sure I know a single man who can fix problems with their cars. Just saying. Anyway there is some bday party at his house or his ex’s house and the young hip CIA guy who quotes Thundercats is at this party/very close to the family. No idea really.
Arnold’s daughter is going to Colombia. I hope it goes well. Odds are low that it will.
Retirement party from the CIA for Big A. They have cake. Punch. It looks like this party sucks. CIA they are just like us.
The Young Hip CIA guy takes Arnie out of his retirement party and then tries to sell him on one more mission. They need him to do one more thing. It was something he did years ago to a family and now the son is the bad guy. “FUBAR: It’s a family affair” should be the name of this show.
WHAT DOES THIS YOUNG HIP CIA DUDE ACTUALLY DO??!?! He’s on comm’s. He’s giving Arnold jobs. He’s a CIA catchall. Anyway, Arnold is going to do one last job. You can’t keep this monster out of the field.
Arnold back in the field and he finds his daughter fighting some dude in a boxing ring while smoking a cig. Hard to do but she’s a badass. She destroys him. She’s tough like her dad. Even pops her shoulder back into place. Neither of them knew the other was CIA! Barry knew though (he’s the cool young hip CIA dude). Arnold and his daughter are both pissed at each other.
Families are hard. Especially CIA families.
Boro is the bad guy that Arnold knows (When Boro was a kid) and is trying to take down in this last mission. He’s throwing Arnold a welcome party. People love thorwing Arnold parties. But this party is off to a really bad start as Boro just gunned down a man in front of everyone.
I would love for someone to tally how many times they’ve said “Family” in this pilot. Holy cow. It’s a lot.
Arnold and his daughter have some issues. She has a lipstick vibrator. Arnold touched it and said “Purell!” I will admit this kinda got me.
Father / Daughter have been killing the bad guys. And now their cover is blown. Boro and his guys have turned on Arnold/daughter combo and are trying to kill them.
Arnold just told the “two cows talking about banging other cows” joke. The punch line is “lets walk down there and bang them all.” Has Arnold ever told that joke before in any context? He seemed unsure of it the entire time.
Arnold’s body double stuff is truly awful.
Are they going to get away form Boro?!?!? They are driving in a stolen Safari Jeep. Maybe. Probably. Don’t think you’re going to torture these two for 7 more eps. When the real torture is them working together! I should have wrote promos for this show.
Arnold/Daughter are surrounded and daughter says “For the record, I hated the mixer” is how the pilot ends. A daughter talking to her father. Who happens to be Arnold Schwarzenegger. Not a real banger of a last line but what can you do.
This show is like Fast And The Furious meets a slightly different version of True Lies. But minus The Fast And The Furious.
That’s it! Will I get into episode 2? Of course. Am I saying the show is good? No. But if you even kinda like Arnold you gotta…..