"Tulsa King" Episode 1 "Go West, Old Man"

I’m going to write my thoughts down as I watch some random episodes of tv. Shows I’ve never seen. Just my initial thoughts. No take backs. So, I thought I’d start with “Tulsa King” pilot. I like Stallone. You like Stallone. We all like Stallone. And when Stallone gets into television…….we gotta check it out.

He is Rocky Balboa.

He is John Rambo.

He is Marion “Cobra” Cobretti. - Probably my favorite of all the Stallone character names. You ever met a guy named Cobretti? Me neither. It seems like they had the name for the movie (“Cobra”) and worked backwards to get to the main characters name.

Anywayyyyy, let’s get into “Tulsa King”:

-oh my. It starts with a Stallone voice over. Okay. Not his strength but okay.

-First time we see Stallone he’s got a beard and is in jail. He talks about how he’s kept his mouth shut. Been a good soldier. My guess is that’s not going to work out for him. Also, he’s still jacked. In 2017 or 2018 Stallone got busted for PED’s in Australia. Story sounds made up but it’s true.

-Stallone is out of jail and hasn’t seen the world in 25 years. They cut to someone riding an electric scooter. Stallone thinks it’s weird. Then they cut to two people doing VR outside of an Apple Store (What!). Stallone shakes his head. This isn’t his world from 1998. He’s from a different time guys.

-Stallone has to go to a place in Long Island. The mob wants to see him. He walks in and doesn’t like the vibe immediately. He actually says “The gangs all here.” (to a group of bad guys) and “I don’t like guys standing behind me.” This is some basic Stallone 101 dialogue.

-The mob gets rid of him. Stallone kept him mouth quiet for 25 years! But, there’s nothing left for him in New York per the boss. He’s gotta go to Tulsa! Stallone not happy about this. He seems to think Tulsa is a shitpile.

-Hahahhaha. Stallone just knocked a mob boss out with one punch. He’s still got it baby.

-Stallone gets to Tulsa. He’s confused by all these Oklahoma yokels. He then freaks out over a grasshopper jumping on him and says to a stranger that it’s the size of his dick.

-He doesn’t know about the Iphone! He was in jail. Not on another planet. He also is confused by dispensaries. He can’t believe they exist. He then stops at this dispensary and immediately starts making moves. He’s going to protect the dispensary for a small commission.

-First night in Tulsa he decides to hit up the local country bar. I would have bet the house he was going to get into a fight. Nope. Orders some ribs and made a couple friends with the locals.

-Stallone punches a car dealer. Then punches him a few more times. Gets a Navigator for 50k “loaded”.

-Stallone is back at the dispensary. He’s going to clean their money. Kinda a confusing job for a place that might not need it’s money cleaned in general. But I guess this one does.

-Back at the country bar. Absolutely going to get into a fight. Right? Also, at this bar Stallone and the bartender are hitting it off. We find out the bartender is also out of jail. Stallone likes him.

-No fight at the bar. Instead Stallone makes friends with a bachelorette party and takes them to a strip club. He’s been in Tulsa one night by the way.

-Stallone punches a guy in the strip club for touching one of the girls in the bachelorette party who is dancing (not as a stripper but as a regular person. I know confusing.) at the strip club.

-He takes home one of the girls from the party (She’s been the one girl talking to Stallone) and sleeps with her. The woman then finds out that Stallone is 75 and she thought he was in his 50’s at best. I mean….no. Guessing he’s in his 50’s is a horrible guess.

-Oh no! The woman who Stallone slept with is working with the FBI. And the FBI knows Stallone (Former Mob boss) is in Tulsa. What a twist.

-Music starts playing. Signifying the end of the epsiode. And it’s Stallone looking out on Tulsa doing what he does best……….a voice over.

That’s the end of episode 1!

Wow. What a show. Stallone seems confused by technology and his fists are going to do the talking for him as he becomes……

The. Tulsa. King.